Summer Break

I hate how by the time finals week rolls around, I'm just dying for it to be over just so that I can relax and not have to use that muscle they call a brain for a while. But then I hate how the moment that I am home and summer break has started, I am just dying till I can return to school so that I can feel free again.

Well gee...that was a pretty hate filled intro.

I've always despised summer break. It's three to four months of being trapped at home or stuck at work. And when I did go out, I had to ask for permission, then get the third degree before I could even leave the house. Rarely have I been able to go out and have fun like I should be having over summer break.

This summer started out terrible, just like the rest have. The moment I got home, I was forced to go out with the family and relatives before I could even settle in. Then I found it difficult to fall asleep at cause all I could think about was how I couldn't fall asleep and wake up next to a special someone for the next 3.5 months. AND THAT BLOWS.
But today was different. I woke up, got dressed, and got to spend a good chunk of my day with him. I didn't have to ask for permission. I didn't answer a million questions. I wasn't given a curfew. I just went.
Needless to say, I had an amazing day. I am just hoping that I get to have plenty of these days this summer with lots of different people.
My fingers are crossed!
Till next time,
-Angela

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A new year means that I have to make changes...Right?

After ringing in the New Year at work, I was convinced my year would continue in the same way it began; With LOTS of work. And that little gut feeling has yet to be proved otherwise.
This semester has seriously kicked my butt. AND IT'S ONLY THE THIRD WEEK!!!!
It really does seem as though ALL of the professors got together and figured out a way to make my life (and probably yours too) more difficult to manage.
Besides the whole new school-kicking-my-ass part, the new year has brought a few other changes to my life. I've made a few really cool friends (that I intend to keep around for a while). And on that note, I've also figured out who my "real" friends are and who was just hanging around cause of certain circumstances. And to be honest, I was a little disappointed in myself for taking so long to realize this.
Another change: I got yet another roommate. I seriously must be cursed. I haven't had one roommate stick around the entire academic school year my three years at school. But my new roommate is actually really cool! I enjoy our little conversations. And to think that I spent the entire winter break worrying about getting a bad roommate.

Family wise, I've learned to separate myself from their crazy lives. And it turns out that the less I involve myself, the less stressed I am. But it means that I've talked to my lovely sister less. That girl means the world to me and I feel terrible for not staying in contact with her as much as I used to. I just hope she knows I still miss her every single day.

I guess that's it for now. I hope you're year has started off well.
Till next time,
-Angela

OMGZOMBIES

Starting in October, I've noticed that there has been an increase of Zombie loving people.
I am one of those crazy people.
I honestly have no idea why they are sooo fascinating though, I just enjoy watching them and shooting them. (:
A group of us up at school played a campus wide game of Humans vs. Zombies.
THAT WAS FREAKING EPIC.
Then some of us from that group got together on Sunday nights to watch The Walking Dead.
Also, pretty epic.

But recently, I've been playing Left for Dead 2. And boy was that the best idea and the worst idea I have ever had. I have played soo much of it that when I see random people walking in the streets at night, that my first instinct is to "SHOOT IT". And a couple nights ago, I actually dreamed that I was in the game shooting things...ooyyeee. On the other hand, I have TONS of fun playing the game for countless hours.

So there.
Now the world knows that I am addicted to zombies.
(:

The (un)Clarity of Life.

Some days, life just makes more sense than others.
As if you woke up early in the morning and knew exactly what you were supposed to be doing the rest of the day.
And some other days, you have no idea where life is taking you.

Sometimes I just feel like I do all of this planning to try and organize my crazy life- for nothing. As if all of this work and planning is just another way of me just dreaming while I'm awake. As if I wake up and feel in control of my life, just to realize later that I truly have no control whatsoever.

I hate this feeling.

I'm the type of person that needs to know what I'm doing 5 steps ahead of where I'm at. I usually have these steps all planned out. But it never seems to me that I end up following these steps. Something always happens that makes me have to sit and re-evaluate my life to create another 5 step plan.

I wish I didn't have to do this so often.

Can't I just wake up in the morning and know exactly where life is taking me? It would honestly save me sooo much time, stress, effort, and emotions.

This morning, I woke up to the voice in my head telling me that I needed to get up, something is about to happen today. So here I am. Awake and trying to make something happen.

The truth: There is no such thing as clarity in life.

Just letting you know...

"Just letting you know...
that even if you see me smiling on the outside,
doesn't mean I haven't been crying on the inside.
No matter how hard I try,
this smile is still a lie.

Some of you may think that I am cold,
at least that's what I've been told.
But I promise you that you don't understand.
so please hear me out and see where I stand.

Just letting you know...
that just because you see me laughing on the outside
doesn't mean that I am not dying on the inside.
And no matter how hard I try,
I can feel a part of me die."

When faced with decisions about the future, what do you do?

I look into the future, and think about what I want to see happen. I don't make impulse decisions, I think through them as carefully as I can. I try to imagine what would make me feel the most satisfied with my life. Then make a decision.
I plan everything out. So that there are no surprises.
But life, yes, life has it's way of changing, evolving, and maturing. And when it does, there isn't much we can do about it at all. The only thing to do is to except the fact, smile, and hope for the best.
It's all that I can do.

You see, I can't just "go with the flow" my entire life. There are things I can do that with, and things that I can't do that with. My future is one of the things I can't take easily.

I just feel that so much of our lives have already gone into making us the best possible future we can have. I also feel that every decision I make today, effects how my life will be in the future. And I want the best possible future I can have.

Now you know why I do things the way I do. I consider my options, plan everything out, choose the best choice, and proceed to take action. All I hope is that people don’t judge me for the things I do.

So how do YOU make YOU’RE decisions.